Child Disrespectful? Why ‘Show Some Respect’ Really Means Obedience (And What to Do Instead)

Why Parents Demand Respect From Their Kids

When a child talks back, ignores a request, or uses a rude tone, many parents feel the urge to say: “Show me some respect!”

But what we often mean in that moment isn’t respect, it’s obedience. And if we’re honest, sometimes what we’re really asking for is compliance through fear.

Respect vs. Obedience: What’s the Difference?
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• Obedience means doing what you’re told, often instantly, without question. It can be enforced with threats, punishments, or the fear of losing privileges.
• Respect is a mutual relationship built on trust, kindness, and connection. It cannot be forced. It grows when both parent and child feel seen and valued.

When we confuse obedience with respect, we risk damaging the trust between us and our children.

Why Kids Seem Disrespectful (Rude Behaviour Explained)

When children ignore us, refuse to tidy their room, or speak rudely, it can feel personal. But beneath that behaviour is usually something deeper:

• Unmet needs – hunger, tiredness, need for connection, or desire for autonomy.
• A dysregulated nervous system – stress, overwhelm, or sensory overload.
• Big feelings without skills – children often don’t yet have the emotional regulation tools adults expect.

If we only focus on the behaviour, demanding “respect” through compliance, we miss the chance to understand what’s driving it.

How to Teach Respect Without Fear

Inside my Peaceful Parent School, we encourage parents to build respect through connection, not control.

Here’s how:

• Listen with curiosity – What might your child’s behaviour be telling you?
• Hold boundaries calmly – You can say “no” firmly and kindly without shame or threats.
• Model respect – Speak to your child the way you’d like them to speak to you.
• Support regulation – Help your child calm down before expecting respectful communication.
• Repair after conflict – Apologising when we lose our cool shows children that respect works both ways.

The Parenting Shift That Changes Everything

The next time you feel like saying, “Show me some respect,” pause and ask yourself:

• Am I asking for respect or obedience?
• Do I want my child to fear me or to trust me?

Respect isn’t something we can demand. It’s something we nurture and model every day. When children feel safe, connected, and understood, true respect naturally follows.

Build Respectful, Connected Relationships With Your Child

At Peaceful Parent School, I help parents move beyond power struggles into calmer, more connected relationships with their children. If your child’s “disrespectful” behaviour is leaving you frustrated, you’re not alone and there is another way forward.

👉 Learn more about Peaceful Parent School here and discover how to raise your child with respect, without fear.