Why is parenting so hard?

​In our society, parenting is under-valued and under-supported. We enter into it with little to no training and often find we have much less support than we need. 

So much is expected of us. Our parenting choices are scrutinised and criticised at every turn. We simply can’t win: breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs cry it out, stay at home mum vs full time working parent. Everyone has an opinion they are willing to share. 

No matter what choices parents make, I know that each of us is doing the very best we can with the skills and resources we have. I see how deeply each and every parent loves their child and wants to do the very best for them given their own unique circumstances and capabilities. 

Although our own parents loved us dearly and did the very best they could, we often feel driven to do things differently with our own children. As children, many of us were not seen or heard by our parents. We were not accepted for who we are, we were not allowed to fully express ourselves emotionally, whether that was sadness, anger, joy or grief. Our parents often responded to our big emotions with anger, punishments, withdrawal of their approval or love or we were shamed for how we were feeling. 
​
As small children we were forced to choose between authenticity (staying true to ourselves) or attachment (seeking our parents’ love and approval by conforming to how they expected us to behave). Almost without fail, children will choose to conform to their parents’ wishes as not doing so would threaten their very survival. By doing this, we reject a part of our true selves and this pain stays with us, hidden or unhidden,  throughout our lives. 

I believe children need to be deeply seen and listened to. Then they will grow up to be people who will see and hear others. If we are deeply compassionate to the needs of our children, they will be deeply compassionate to the needs of themselves and others. When a child is treated with respect, they will grow up to respect others and the world around them. If we have clear boundaries with our children, they will learn to have good boundaries for themselves and in the relationships they form throughout life. If, wherever possible, we honour our children’s “no's” and respond with compassion when we do say “no”, without shame or punishment, our children will do the same for others. If we listen to our children’s needs, they will listen to the needs of others and will be able to listen and respond to their own needs. 

Providing this level of emotional connection and support to our children is exhausting work, especially if we are unlearning our own patterns and automatic reactions while at the same time processing and healing from our own childhood experiences. We can not be available to our own children unless we are getting the right level of support for ourselves. We need to put on our own oxygen mask first, before we can be there for our children. The ups and downs of life are unavoidable, like the changing of the seasons. Our children will learn how to deal with the hard times by watching how we handle the challenges life throws at us. We can model healthy ways to deal with overwhelming emotions and how to take care of our body, mind and spirit. Our children will learn how to be in the world from how we live our lives.

What is parent coaching?

My parent coaching is a powerful one-to-one programme designed to support you to parent in a respectful, connected and playful way. It will give you the tools and strategies to implement a gentle parenting philosophy into your daily interactions with your child -  while also getting your children to listen and cooperate. It will show you how to ground your parenting in connection and deepen your relationship with your child day by day so you have a bond that will withstand the stresses and strains of daily life and flourish into a close adult relationship with your child as they grow. It will build resilience in your child so they will develop a healthy relationship with their emotions and be able to withstand the disappointments and upsets of life. 
​

• This programme is trauma-informed and takes into account how our childhood experience affect our ability to respond to our children in the current moment.  
• Understand the science of connection and how that drives your child’s behaviour
• Gain cooperation without using a system of rewards and punishments.
• Learn how to forgive yourself when it all goes wrong. 

Who is parent coaching for?

• Parents of children under ten years of age. 
• Parents who want to raise their children to respect themselves and the world around them, 
• Parents who have read the parenting books on attachment and gentle parenting but need the tools to build connection and cooperation into their day-to-day interactions with their children. 
• Parents who are burnt out or overwhelmed 
• Parents who ask themselves if parenting was meant to be this hard
• Parents who are committed to peaceful parenting but find themselves losing their temper and shouting at their children

How does the parent coaching programme work?

• 10 weekly 75 minute mentoring sessions with me
• WhatsApp or email support from me for the duration of the course
• Access to video materials and booklets
• Each week you will learn how to use practical strategies and tools in your daily parenting with my full support and guidance every step of the way. 
• Dive deep into your parenting challenges and create a plan to support your children through any issues they are facing
• Lean in to your triggers, get to know and understand them. Learn how they relate to your own history and how you can soften and dissolve them. 
• Practices to embed emotional support into your life
• Find strategies that work for you and make self-love and self-care a part of your life in a meaningful and effortless way

What is hand in hand parenting?

Hand in Hand Parenting is a not-for-profit parenting organisation based in California, USA and reaching parents around the globe. It was founded by Patty Wipfler who developed the approach over 40 years of working with children and raising her own children and grandchildren. 

The approach is all about building a strong connection with your children. Strong emotional bonds in a family lead to happy and cooperative children. Research shows that a close parent-child connection is the strongest factor that protects children from difficulties in later life.

Hand in Hand Parenting believes that children's instinctive nature is to be kind, loving and cooperative. By supporting their emotional development, children will naturally be open and excited about life. Emotions are important signposts to a child's inner world. At Hand in Hand we help parents and caregivers listen to tears and tantrums without becoming reactive or trying to "fix" them. Navigating these strong emotions with warmth builds a deep and loving connection between parents and children.

Hand in Hand has five simple and practical tools to help parents balance authoritative limits with fun, laughter and one on one time. We are also passionate about supporting parents with their own emotions when times get tough. In the classes I teach, I provide parents with the resources, tools and the listening they themselves need so they can remain steady when their children most need their support.

If You Want to Know More About Working With Me

Would You Like To Find Out How I Can Help Your Personal Parenting Situation?

If you would like a little help talking through your options and deciding if you would like to work with me, you can book a no-cost 20 minute consultation. We will talk about your parenting situation and discuss exactly how I will be able to support you.
​

book a call

---

Do you have any questions about working with me that you would like me to answer?

Please feel free to get in touch and submit your question using the button below. I will email you back with my reply. You can also check out the FAQ section of the website as your question might already be answered there. 
​​

submit question