Welcome To My Podcast: How to Parent Peacefully
Join me, Pamela Quiery, certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor, as I share with you five simple tools for a more peaceful, playful home. If you’re ready to enjoy raising your children by creating a peaceful home where kids want to cooperate and you keep your cool, you’re in the right place.
You’ll be inspired to create a peaceful and playful home without resorting to threats or bribes so that you can create life-long, connected relationships with your kids and support them to be happy, confident and peaceful.
You can listen to How to Parent Peacefully on all the popular podcast apps – choose yours here. Search for “How to Parent Peacefully” inside your chosen app and make sure you subscribe or follow so you will be notified of new episodes. You can listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and more. You can also listen on the web player on this site by clicking on the episode you are interested in.
Alternatively, you can sign up to the my newsletter and I’ll let you know about new episodes via email.
You’ll be inspired to create a peaceful and playful home without resorting to threats or bribes so that you can create life-long, connected relationships with your kids and support them to be happy, confident and peaceful.
You can listen to How to Parent Peacefully on all the popular podcast apps – choose yours here. Search for “How to Parent Peacefully” inside your chosen app and make sure you subscribe or follow so you will be notified of new episodes. You can listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and more. You can also listen on the web player on this site by clicking on the episode you are interested in.
Alternatively, you can sign up to the my newsletter and I’ll let you know about new episodes via email.
|
Click below to listen on Apple Podcasts
|
Listen on Spotify
|
#061 Three big reasons you get angry - and none of them are your faultIn this week’s episode I talk about why parenting is so hard in this modern culture we live in and the three biggest reasons why I believe we get angry and lose it with our kids.
When we are feeling calm, patient and well-resourced, when all our needs are taken care of, when we have no worries, we have no stresses, at those times parenting is easy. We know how to be loving, kind, respectful and patient towards our kids. We can take the time to listen to them. We can see things from their side. We can be deeply empathic of their experience - and of course when we are in that place, parenting goes really well. |
|
#060 How to respond to family and friends who don’t agree with your parenting choicesWe've all had those comments from well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) family members, friends and even strangers:
"If you lift them up every time they cry you'll spoil them", "I would never have dared answer back like that", "Your child is out of control", "You're being too soft on them". So today I'm talking about how you can respond to these types of comments while still keeping your integrity and dignity! |
|
#059 If I don't scold my child will they grow up to be entitled?Getting children dressed in the morning has to be one of the most common and most frustrating challenges for parents.
If your child resists getting dressed and you end up arguing, cajoling and then finally losing your patience then you certainly aren't alone. I invite you to listen to this week's episode where I talk about some fresh ideas to get mornings going more smoothly. |
|
#057 Parenting your strong-willed childIf you have a strong-willed child, you know about it and it's hard!
You look at other people's children and ask yourself why it all seems so easy for them. They seem to go through life without all the arguments and drama. Meanwhile you are dealing with difficult behaviour, engaging in lengthy explanations and major meltdowns over things like putting on shoes or turning a screen off. |
|
#056 Christmas survival guide for parentsIt is almost Christmas time and there is so much pressure on parents at this time of year to make memories, to make every moment special, to buy the perfect presents and to make sure your child has a great time.
On top of that we often spend more time with family members which comes with it’s own challenges. The emotional load on parents, especially mums, is huge at this time of year. We are expected to make sure everyone is having a good time, we feel pressure to book fun activities, days out, be the buyer of thoughtful presents for extended family, cook delicious food, manage the meltdowns and upsets and it is never enough. |
|
#055 How to help children with life’s small disappointments and big challengesToday I talk about how we can help our children with life’s small disappointments as well as the big challenges and changes that so many of us encounter.
One of the main roles of parents is to keep our children safe from harm, to protect them from the ups and downs of life. But we can’t wrap them in bubble wrap and pretend the big bad world doesn’t exist. No matter how careful we are, no matter what precautions we take, life happens. |
|
#054 How to deal with swearing and name callingMost of us have been there when our child is name calling or using swear words.
It usually brings up a big reaction in us. We respond harshly or we aren't sure how to respond at all. And that is often where the desire to swear arises from with our children. They notice the reaction it brings up in us. Seeing this reaction is compelling to them. |
|
#053 What does emotionally mature parenting look like and how to get thereWhen I became a parent I would have told you I had life figured out. If you had asked me about my emotional world, I couldn’t have explained much about it.
Yes, I wanted my children to be ‘good with their emotions’,, but I wasn’t very good with my own emotions - so how was I supposed to model or teach this to my own children? Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognise and influence the emotions of those around you. |
|
#052 Do natural or logical consequences have a place in Gentle Parenting?There is a lot of talk in parenting circles about consequences. So I wanted to spend a bit of time breaking down what exactly we mean by consequences, including logical consequences and natural consequences.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents in Facebook groups looking for help to think of a logical or a natural consequence for their child’s behaviour. This comes from a belief that children will only learn from their actions if every behaviour has some kind of consequence. |
|
#051 Is it really possible to parent without punishments and rewards? There is a common myth that we have to reward good behaviour and have consequences for bad behaviour in order to get our children to listen and behave.
How do you get your kids to listen? What leverage do you have left as a parent if you can’t use a threat or a bribe to get your child to comply? The problem is that rewards and punishments make children look outside of themselves for how to behave. Instead, you want to teach children to look within themselves, to their own internal compass of what is right and wrong. |
|
#050 Your parent questions answered: supporting children with learning, sitting at the dinner table and off-track behaviour when Grandma is visitingToday on the podcast I talk about respecting our children when they are hesitating or feeling uncertain about joining in at times like Halloween, but also other times like getting photos taken with Santa, joining in at birthday parties or participating in other activities you’ve signed them up for.
Whatever the situation may be, it is really common for young children to be uncertain at these times, to hesitate and hang back in your safety. For me it always seemed like everyone else’s children were so much more confident and well-adjusted compared to my daughter who would be hiding her head in my leg and clinging on to me for dear life. |
|
#049 Respecting children's fears and uncertainty at times like HalloweenToday on the podcast I talk about respecting our children when they are hesitating or feeling uncertain about joining in at times like Halloween, but also other times like getting photos taken with Santa, joining in at birthday parties or participating in other activities you’ve signed them up for.
Whatever the situation may be, it is really common for young children to be uncertain at these times, to hesitate and hang back in your safety. For me it always seemed like everyone else’s children were so much more confident and well-adjusted compared to my daughter who would be hiding her head in my leg and clinging on to me for dear life. |
|
#048 Seven ways to keep your cool when your child is pushing your buttons
The biggest gift you can give your children when they are struggling with big emotions, when they are frustrated or upset, is to be the calm in their storm.
It is your parenting superpower. When you can come to the situation with calm, you can be the confident leader your child needs in that moment. You can model emotional regulation and help your child co-regulate with your balanced system. |
|
#047 The power of listening and the origins of Hand in Hand Parenting with Patty WipflerThis week on the podcast I am so deeply honoured to be in conversation with Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting.
Patty has been working with parents for 47 years. Over that time she has developed the parenting by connection approach, the five listening tools you hear me talk about on the podcast (Listening Partnerships for parents, Staylistening, Setting Limits, Special Time and Playlistening) and the Hand in Hand Parenting organisation which supports 1000s of parents around the world. |
|
#046 Supporting our children to cope with grief, death and dyingThis week I talk about how we can support our children to cope with grief, death and dying.
Grief is something we want to protect our children from. It is such a difficult time if you and your family are experiencing grief, if there is a death in your immediate family, a parent, a grandparent, a close family member, a friend, someone in the community - or a much loved pet. All of these may prompt your child to ask about death or might bring up some big feelings for them if they lose someone they love. |
|
#045 Raising Body Happy Kids with Molly Forbes
This week I talk to writer, campaigner and journalist Molly Forbes. Molly is author of the book Body Happy Kids: how to help children and teens love the skin they’re in. In this episode, Molly shares her own journey to becoming body happy and how that led to her passion to help parents and children be happy in their bodies too. We go on to talk about a wide range of topics with lots of practical ideas to help you raise body happy kids and become more body happy yourself. |
|
#044 Why gentle parenting is about connection instead of control
I talk a lot about connection on this podcast and I just realised I’ve never done an episode just about connection. So here it is! I often hear people ask - what exactly is gentle parenting? Or maybe they call it peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting or attachment parenting. There is no standard definition, so today I'm talking about what I mean when I talk about gentle parenting. For me it is all about moving from control-based parenting to connection-based parenting. |
|
#043 How to help children stay connected to their true selves
In this week’s episode I talk about raising children who are able to stay connected to their true selves. I believe the only way to be truly content and satisfied in life is to be able to stay connected to ourselves and what we truly want and need in life. When we are able to act from a place of connection to ourselves and make decisions based on what is in line with our true selves, I believe it is the best way to live a happy, satisfying and fulfilling life. |
|
#042 Ten tips for raising children who actually like you when they grow up.
Most of us have big hopes and dreams for our children when we become parents. The type of people they will grow up to be, the type of relationship they will have with us as they grow and eventually become adults. But so often those hopes and dreams seem to get swamped in the day to day chaos of parenting. I believe we all hope to have a close and loving relationship with our children throughout their lives as they grow up into adults. |
Welcome to Season 2 of the Parenting with Pam podcast!
|
#041 Back to School - 9 ways to pack and unpack your child’s emotional backpack
Welcome back to season 2 of the podcast! For many of us here in the northern hemisphere, summer has come to an end and we are getting back to our routines: whether that is starting school or childcare for the first time or returning after the summer break. For those who home educate, it might be adjusting to having less friends around and finding a new routine. People are sharing their back to school photos on social media. Everyone is looking shiny and excited. However, if you and your child are struggling with this transition you aren't alone. We don't talk about the challenges of going back to school enough. |
|
#040 Eight things I learned (the hard way) about gentle parenting
When my daughter became a toddler, I felt totally lost I didn’t know what I was doing Six months later I was super confident as a parent. Parenting was still intense and challenging but the shouting was under control and there was so much more laughter. So let me share what I learned along the way so you can make this happen too. |
|
#039 How to survive and thrive through the summer holidays
Today I am talking about the summer holidays. Whether your kids are off school already or maybe they’re finishing up in the next week or so, it is normal to have mixed feelings about the summer break. Maybe you are relieved to be finished with the school run for a few weeks or maybe you have to work and you’re stressing about juggling childcare and summer camps. You might be home alone a lot with your kids and you’re not quite sure how you are going to manage the change in routine - should you go with the flow or should you create a timetable or structure for your time off? |
|
#038 Keeping Your Child Safe Online with Jen Hoey
So much parenting advice centres on our children. What we should do or say to make things go more smoothly, tools we can employ to get our kids cooperating or behaving in a way that will make life easier for us. But today I want to talk about an overlooked parenting tool - taking care of ourselves. |
|
#037 Teaching our children about consent and bodily autonomy.
So much parenting advice centres on our children. What we should do or say to make things go more smoothly, tools we can employ to get our kids cooperating or behaving in a way that will make life easier for us. But today I want to talk about an overlooked parenting tool - taking care of ourselves. |
|
#036 Why getting your needs met matters and how to make it happen
So much parenting advice centres on our children. What we should do or say to make things go more smoothly, tools we can employ to get our kids cooperating or behaving in a way that will make life easier for us. But today I want to talk about an overlooked parenting tool - taking care of ourselves. |
|
#035 How to gently set limits on screen time
Hands up who has a battle on their hands when it comes to ending screen time? Do you avoid setting limits on screens because you don't want to deal with the inevitable meltdown? Do you wish your child could switch off without a massive fight? In this episode I share some gentle ways to turn screen time conflicts into a time of connection. |
|
#034 Tooth-brushing Special: how to diffuse standoffs with the power of play
I’m very excited because today I am sharing with you my magic formula for overcoming parenting standoffs using laughter and play. Specifically I’m going to be looking at teeth brushing, but this applies to many different power struggles we have with our kids. I’ll help you understand what is going on with the power struggle dynamic, what emotions are behind it and what you can do about it. This is one of my favourite things to talk about. |
|
#033 When a child favours one parent or caregiver
Today I'm talking about how to manage when a child prefers one parent or caregiver over another. Maybe your child has a meltdown when it's their Dad's turn to put them to bed so you end up doing bedtime every night just to keep the peace. Or your child is in great form all day at school or childcare but their behaviour becomes unmanageable as soon as you walk through the door. |
|
#032 Stop the Parent Stress!
Parenting stress is so normal in our society. And then on top of that we tell ourselves “If only I do more, be more patient, try harder, be a better parent”. The truth is that parenting is under-valued and under-supported. We are so often parenting within small nuclear families instead of the supportive communities we need to meet our needs and thrive. Read more and listen |
|
#031 Solving Bedtime and Sleep Challenges
This week I am talking about all things bedtime and sleep. Would you like bedtime to run more smoothly without battling to get PJs on? Maybe you want to support your child to fall asleep more easily or without you right there in the room? Or you are looking for gentle ways to support your child to sleep all night in their own bed? Read more and listen |
|
#030 How to have realistic expectations for your child
What expectations should we have of our kids? Should a 4 year old be able to tidy up themselves after an activity? Should a 10 year old be able to shower and get dressed by themselves? Should your 8 year old know better than to lie? Is it helpful to have expectations at all? Read more and listen |
|
#029 How to respond when your child says “I hate myself”
Maybe it hasn't happened yet and you want to be prepared, or maybe your child has started saying "I hate myself" or similar. It is heart-breaking for us as parents to see our children struggle. We want to help them, we want them to see through our eyes how wonderful they are. But often our own story gets caught up in our responses and we struggle to respond in helpful ways, or we simply have no idea how to respond. Read more and listen |
|
#028 Big Picture Parenting: the why of gentle parenting and how it can change the world with Kathryn McCabe
In this week’s episode I am joined by Kathryn McCabe, social ecologist and founder and director of the Change Agency. Kathryn is passionate about creating change at a systems level and in this conversation we look at how we can change our society for the better through parenting. I invite you to check out Kathryn’s website and Facebook page. We started this conversation in a workshop we jointly facilitated as part of the Imagine Festival of Ideas in March 2022 on how parenting can change the world. Here is the link to the replay of the full workshop. Read more and listen |
|
#027 Competitive Child? How to help a sore loser
Do board games with your child end in arguments and frustration? Is everything a race to see is first and best? Is there a lot of competition between siblings and huge upset when someone gets more than the other? Today I am talking about how to support your child with competitive behaviour. Read more and listen |
|
#026 The 10 minute connection-boosting parenting superpower (aka Special Time)
Today I’m going to talk about a parenting tool you can use in as little as 10 minutes. It builds connection. It brings fun. It’s practically guaranteed to bring laughter. It is the glue of your relationship with your kids. It helps with sibling rivalry, builds cooperation and helps kids overcome fears. It builds their confidence, self-control and emotional regulation. All this in as little as 10 minutes a day. Read more and listen |
|
#025 Should we make our kids apologise or say please, thank you, excuse me?
In this week’s episode I talk about whether we should make our children say sorry, please, thank you or excuse me. We want our kids to grow up to be polite, considerate and respectful to others We are brought up in a society that expects children to be well behaved, that judges parents (or parents feel judged) if their kids aren’t polite. Children learn from what we do. So if we are polite, thank people when we mean it, apologise when we’re wrong, they will learn to do it too. Read more and Listen. |
|
#024 After school meltdowns and grumpiness - why they happen and how to help
Dealing with a grumpy child after school can be hard work. You want to connect with them after being away from them for several hours, you want to find out how their day has gone, but instead you are met with grumpiness, aggression or meltdowns. In this week's episode I talk about why our children struggle so much after school or childcare and what you can do to support them. Read more and Listen. |
|
#023 Overcoming Morning Meltdowns
Ever wondered how you can have more peaceful, playful mornings - without all the tantrums about getting dressed, brushing teeth and eating breakfast? In this bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did this week for the Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page, I show you how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can inject connection into your days so you see more smiles instead of struggles in the mornings. Read more and Listen. |
|
#022 How do I stop my child from whining?
Whining can be one of the most annoying and frustrating things for us to deal with as parents. It often feels like our children are doing it because they know it annoys us so much! And once it starts it feels like nothing will solve it. As always when our children’s behaviour is tricky, it’s good to look behind the surface behaviour. Read more and Listen. |
|
#021 Setting Limits: why gentle parenting is not permissive parenting
Today I'm talking about how we can parent in a gentle and respectful way without being permissive. It is possible to model good boundaries and limits with our children without harshness or punishments. In fact, setting limits early and often can strengthen our relationships and develop our children's emotional intelligence. Read more and Listen. |
|
#020 Why kids hit, bite, pinch or kick and what to do about it
Are you struggling with your child's aggression? Maybe it is directed towards you, a sibling or at other children in childcare or school. We often try explaining, reading stories about "gentle hands" or punishing our children for their aggressive behaviour. But the key to stopping aggression lies in the feelings driving the behaviour. Find out how to support your child so they can let go of aggression. Read more and Listen. |
|
#019 Five Simple and unexpected ways to help your child sleep well in their own bed
Bed-sharing and co-sleeping are amazing and often just what young children need. But maybe you are exhausted and ready for your child to sleep in their own bed. Or maybe they are in their own beds but it takes forever for them to fall asleep, you have to stay with them or they wake a lot during the night looking for you. Here I share 5 ways to support children to fall asleep themselves and sleep well all night. Read more and Listen. |
|
#018 How to prevent our children from lying, denying, sneaking or bragging?
How do we encourage our children to be honest with us? How do we make it safe for them to come to us when they do something wrong or mess up? How do we make sure they grow up to be adults who take responsibility for their actions? Read more. |
|
#017 The difference between regular play and Playlistening
This is a bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did on the main Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page. Today we're talking about the difference between regular play and Playlistening. So join me as I talk more about Playlistening and give you lots of helpful ideas to get creative with play. Read more. |
|
#016 Leaning in to our children’s boredom
The thing about boredom is that it is definitely not about having nothing to do. I'm sure your house is full of games and toys and things to do. Feeling bored is a sign that your child is running low on connection. I'm sure you have tried making suggestions of things to do. So what can you do? Read more. |
|
#015 How can we navigate parenting when our partner or co-parent has a very different parenting style to ourselves?
What happens when your partner or co-parent has a very different parenting style to you? Maybe they parent in ways you prefer they would not - with harshness or anger. We don’t want to undermine them but we want to protect our child. So how do we best support our children or our partner with this? Read more. |
|
#014 How to be a more playful parent! (and how play can solve common parenting standoffs)
If you feel like poking me in the eye at the thought of being more playful and spending more time playing with your children - I hear you! As parents, we spend so much time taking care of our kids and everyone else's needs first that there is seldom time or energy left for play. I get it! But we can learn to be playful and it pays off big time!! Read more. |
|
#013 Chores: how to raise helpful, considerate children who *want* to help out
This week I'm talking about chores and getting our kids to tidy up. Is it worth the battle? Will we raise selfish, entitled children if we don't make them do the chores? Read more. |
|
#012 Why you’ll never “ruin” your child
This is a bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did on the main Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page. Have you ever doubted your gentle approach to parenting? Ever been told that you are too soft on your kids? Read more. |
|
#011 The secret ingredient that makes homework go well
It's already been a long day and homework is looming over you. How do you make it a time of connection instead of a time of conflict? In this episode I answer a listener's questions about supporting her children with homework. Read more. |
|
#010 Helping our kids settle back to school or routine after the holidays
Christmas time or other holiday seasons can become stressful. We are often out of our normal routines and spending time with family. Our kids pick up on the excitement and stress and emotions can run high. Here I suggest 5 ways you can make the holidays less stressful. Read more. |
|
#009 Five Tips for surviving Christmas or other holidays with young children
Christmas time or other holiday seasons can become stressful. We are often out of our normal routines and spending time with family. Our kids pick up on the excitement and stress and emotions can run high. Here I suggest 5 ways you can make the holidays less stressful. Read more. |
|
#008 Real life examples of how connection-based parenting works
We need constant reminders of the power of connection and how it can turn things around with your child. Here I share two examples of how connection at bedtime can help your child get off to sleep. I would love to hear your stories of connection Read more. |
|
#007 How to respond when your child is upset and shouts "Go Away!"
This is something parents ask me all the time. They want to support their child and be there for them but they are met with "Leave me alone" or "Go away". How do we respond in a way that is respectful and supportive of our children's emotions? Read more. |
|
#006 Sibling Rivalry - 5 steps to building a strong sibling relationship
How should we respond to our children's big feelings in a way that is respectful and develops emotional resilience? This is a tricky one for many parents, especially when our children pick the most difficult and inappropriate moments to have a meltdown in public or in front of family members who might not be fully on board with gentle parenting. Read more. |
|
#005 How to respond to meltdowns and tantrums in a way that builds emotional resilience
How should we respond to our children's big feelings in a way that is respectful and develops emotional resilience? This is a tricky one for many parents, especially when our children pick the most difficult and inappropriate moments to have a meltdown in public or in front of family members who might not be fully on board with gentle parenting. Read more. |
|
#004 Why I don’t tickle and what to do instead
This is a quick episode where I share my thoughts about tickling and why tickling isn’t part of our family culture. I share my reasons, invite you to reflect on your own experiences of tickling and give you some ideas of what to do instead. Read more. |
|
#003 How 10 minutes of rough and tumble play can turn bedtime around
Today I'm talking about physical play, the huge benefits it has to our kids' development and how it strengthens the parent-child relationship....all of which builds cooperation in our children. Physical play before bedtime can help a child feel relaxed and connected enough to go to sleep more easily. Read more. |
|
#002 A fresh approach to help our children with sharing
On this week’s episode I talk about why we get angry with our children and the secret to staying calm in the moment. Would you like to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent? then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Read more. |
|
#001 Why we get angry with our children and the secret to staying calm in the moment.
On this week’s episode I talk about why we get angry with our children and the secret to staying calm in the moment. Would you like to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent? then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Read more. |
Subscribe To My Newsletter
You will receive a maximum of one or two emails per month containing interesting, relevant snippets on how to be a gentle and respectful parent, plus details of my upcoming events and classes. I promise I won't bombard you with aggressive marketing and multiple emails per day. If you want more, don't forget to subscribe to my social media channels.