3 Ways To Respond When Your Child Says "I hate myself"

How should you respond when your child tells you “I hate myself”?

Your sweet child who you love more than life itself. Who you have poured your love and attention on since they were so small. Who you’ve supported through the happy times and life’s challenges. 

You want the best for them, you want them to be happy. 

So these words coming from their lips can be devastating. 

Often our ‘auto-parent response’ might be to talk them out of it, to reassure them, to tell them not to be so silly or to react harshly, telling them not to think those thoughts. 

What a child needs at this moment is to be heard and understood. To know you are there to listen without judgement (even if you feel like dying inside). 

So take a breath and put your auto-parent response on hold if you can. 

Try saying “I’d love to hear more” or “I’d love to hear what makes you feel that way”. 

Offer your presence, your love and your connection. 

They need to feel safe enough to share their worries with you. Here’s what you can do: 

1. Create time together. Maybe lie with them at bedtime and offer to play with their hair or give them a hand massage. Don’t push them into talking. Give them space to feel your love and allow them to talk in their own time. Listen without judgement or advice. 
2. Boost the goofiness and laughter. Find ways to make your child laugh. Try suggesting a game of chase around the house or a piggy back ride. Act as goofy and light-hearted as you can. Life for older children becomes too serious. Silliness and laughter will build trust and connection. 
3. Take care of your own feelings. It is almost impossible to connect with your child when you are feeling the strain of parenting. Share your fears and worries with a trusted listener. This will open up space for you to re-connect with your child and offer them the love they need at this time. 

Connection is more important than ever as your child moves through the Tween years. 

To get some support and fresh ideas around supporting your child through the Tween years, join my workshop this Saturday 11th September at 10am UK time.